STEP 1: UNDERSTANDING THE PROBLEM

I. UNDERSTANDING SAME-GENDER ATTRACTION 

Homosexuality is generally defined as a sexual desire and or sexual behavior towards those of the same gender. Same gender sexual attraction may range from sexual thoughts to frequent sexual touching. Using same sex pornography is often a part of the behavior. As with most behaviors the longer it is practiced the more difficult it is to change.

There are many factors which may play a role in the development of same gender attraction. Some of the contributing factors are: experimental sexual touching with others of similar age and gender when an individual is young; Being sexually molested by an older person of the same gender when an individual is young.       Childhood, family and social relationships which create feelings of insecurity, self doubt, loneliness, seeking for approval and affection; Physical or personality traits and interests that may influence choices toward seeking intimacy with those of the same gender.

There is a great diversity of opinion in the world about same gender attraction. Opinions range from considering it normal to considering it a problem. Dallin H. Oaks suggested  

“…we should distinguish between (1) homosexual (or lesbian) ‘thoughts and feelings’ (which should be resisted and redirected), and (2) ‘homosexual behavior’ (which is a serious sin)… We should note that the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay are adjectives to describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. We should refrain from using these words as nouns to identify particular conditions or specific persons. Our religious doctrine dictates this usage. It is wrong to use these words to denote a condition, because this implies that a person is consigned by birth to a circumstance in which he or she has no choice in respect to the critically important matter of sexual behavior. Feelings are another matter. Some kinds of feelings seem to be inborn. Others are traceable to mortal experiences. Still other feelings seem to be acquired from a complex interaction of “nature and nurture.” All of us have some feelings we did not choose, but the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that we still have the power to resist and reform our feelings (as needed) and to assure that they do not lead us to entertain inappropriate thoughts or to engage in sinful behavior. Different persons have different physical characteristics and different susceptibilities to the various physical and emotional pressures we may encounter in our childhood and adult environments. We did not choose these personal susceptibilities either, but we do choose and will be accountable for the attitudes, priorities, behavior, and “lifestyle” we engraft upon them. Essential to our doctrinal position on these matters is the difference between our freedom and our agency. Our freedom can be limited by various conditions of mortality, but God’s gift of agency cannot be limited by outside forces, because it is the basis for our accountability to him. The contrast between freedom and agency can be illustrated in the context of a hypothetical progression from feelings to thoughts to behavior to addiction. This progression can be seen on a variety of matters, such as gambling and the use of tobacco and alcohol… “Whatever our susceptibilities or tendencies [feelings], they cannot subject us to eternal consequences unless we exercise our free agency to do or think the things forbidden by the commandments of God. For example, a susceptibility to alcoholism impairs its victim’s freedom to partake without addiction, but his free agency allows him to abstain and thus escape the physical debilitation of alcohol and the spiritual deterioration of addiction. … Beware the argument that because a person has strong drives toward a particular act, he has no power of choice and therefore no responsibility for his actions. This contention runs counter to the most fundamental premises of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Satan would like us to believe that we are not responsible in this life. That is the result he tried to achieve by his contest in the pre-existence. A person who insists that he is not responsible for the exercise of his free agency because he was ‘born that way’ is trying to ignore the outcome of the War in Heaven. We are responsible, and if we argue otherwise, our efforts become part of the propaganda effort of the Adversary. Individual responsibility is a law of life. It applies in the law of man and the law of God. Society holds people responsible to control their impulses so we can live in a civilized society. God holds his children responsible to control their impulses in order that they can keep his commandments and realize their eternal destiny…  (“Same-Gender Attraction,” Ensign, Oct. 1995, 7)

Summary

When an individual has the desire, commitment, understanding, clear direction, support and God’s help they can diminish same gender desires and stop same gender behavior. Homosexual thoughts and desires can become very manageable and not be a source of great frustration in an individual’s life.

If pornography has been a problem and if the individual plans to access reading material from the Internet, make sure they are supervised by a responsible adult. For Additional help see the Mental Health Resource Foundation's Guidebook Helping Individuals Stop Using Pornography by clicking here.
 

II. DETERMINE THE LEVEL OF DESIRE TO CHANGE

Learn about the individual’s desire to change by asking questions and seeking prayerful inspiration about the following:

Proceed through the steps that follow if the individual expresses motivation to diminish same gender desires and stop same gender sexual behavior. Reassure desiring individuals that they can overcome their problem if they are sincere, seek divine guidance and willing to work diligently over time.  

III. DETERMINE THE LEVEL OF INVOLVEMENT

When an individual expresses desire for help, meet with them privately usually in a formal setting. However, be flexible enough to meet an individuals needs. Caregivers need to spend enough time asking individuals and their families searching questions to develop a clear understanding of the problem. Consider asking the following questions about their sexual desires and actions toward others of the same gender:

After you have developed an understanding of the seriousness of the issue and the individual’s motivation you can begin to help him or her stop. 

IV. EVALUATE THE INDIVIDUAL’S SPIRITUAL STRENGTH 

Ask them about their personal relationship with God and their church activity. It is important for a caregiver to discern if the individual has the spiritual strength to stop same gender desires and actions. If there is no desire to follow spiritual direction the individual’s spirituality and motivation to change will need to be strengthened. For additional ideas see page 12, Increase Spirituality and Motivation in Step 2 Develop a Personal Growth Plan. 

V. WATCH FOR ASSOCIATED CONCERNS

Sexual desires and actions oriented toward others of the same gender may be related to other factors such as use of pornography, being the victim of sexual or physical abuse, mental illness or personality problems.  Carefully ask questions to determine if these conditions exist. When someone has been exposed to inappropriate sexual experiences, as a youth or an adult, the result is usually some degree of confusion, loss of self esteem, or curiosity about sexual behavior. This may increase the possibility of developing a pornography or same gender attraction.

Mental illness may increase a same gender problem and make solving it more difficult. Caregivers should watch for the following signs listed in the table Indicators of Mental Illness.

Referring to a professional therapist is recommended if you believe there is a serious associated problem. Even when individuals are referred for professional therapy, continue to assist them to diminish same gender desires and stop same gender sexual behavior. Follow the tasks in Step 2 and adapt them to the circumstances you are dealing with.  

VI. RESOLVE CONCERNS AND DEVELOP A PERSONAL GROWTH PLAN

When individuals express motivation to change, help them understand the need to develop a plan to stop sexual thoughts and actions oriented toward others of the same gender. Gain agreement to develop a personal growth plan. See Step 2 Develop a Personal Growth Plan.

What an individual does about their sexual preference is a matter of personal choice.   Unless the individual wants to make the transition out of homosexuality, there will be very little progress. Change usually does not occur when the major motivation is pressure from outside sources such as parents, ecclesiastical leaders, a spouse, a therapist, or society in general. Encourage the individual to spend time deciding if they really want to make the necessary changes. Overcoming same gender desires and behavior is a demanding process. It will require a strong commitment and significant effort over time.