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STEP
4: DEALING WITH LACK OF PROGRESS
I. CONFRONTING THE LACK OF PROGRESS
The caregiver should ask the users how they feel about
the lack of progress. As necessary, review specific examples of the user’s
failure to follow the recovery plan. Evaluate the user’s response to the
confrontation. If the user is receptive and motivated to complete the
plan, continue following the recovery plan. If the individual continues to
use pornography and to engage in inappropriate sexual behavior, select an
appropriate intervention.
II. SELECT APPROPRIATE INTERVENTIONS
There are four alternatives for caregivers to consider.
They are: consult with clergy; conduct a family support group
intervention; consult with professionals; and refer to a professional.
Those helping should prayerfully select the appropriate combination of
interventions.
Consult with clergy. When the caregiver is
not clergy, the caregiver should refer the user to clergy for assistance
in holding the user accountable and directing the user in the repentance
process. Maintain strict confidentiality. When clergy are involved in
helping the user, they should consider consulting with supervisory clergy
about successful practices in dealing with pornography. Churches have a
variety of actions that may be undertaken to help correct an individual’s
behavior patterns. Clergy may feel the need to review possible corrective
action with their supervising clergy.
Conduct a family support group
intervention. A family support group
intervention brings together the user, the caregiver, the family, clergy
and other members of the support group, to confront the user. The purpose
of the intervention is to give the user an ultimatum to stop using
pornography and engaging in inappropriate sexual behavior. A caregiver can
act as the facilitator. In some areas professionals with similar religious
values may be available to act as the facilitator.
The following are guidelines to help
conduct a family support group intervention.
 | Before meeting with the user communicate with those
invited to decide and rehearse what each will say. Also, decide on what
consequences will be implemented if he or she refuses to stop using
pornography. |
| Set the time and invite those needed (no younger
children). Older children who are aware of the problem may be invited or
may be encouraged to write letters to the user to be read as part of the
intervention. |
| In the meeting, share the specific problems resulting
from the use of pornography. Commit the individual to stop using. |
| Do not be deterred by anger, denial, or deception.
Remain calm, firm and focused on the problem. |
| Explain the consequences the family, clergy and
others will implement if the user does not make necessary changes. |
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Have specific information about
outside resources available to help. (For example, names, phone numbers,
and appointments.) If agreed upon, make arrangements for the user to
begin professional counseling or community support services immediately
following the intervention. |
Do not wait for the user to "bottom out," get arrested,
or sexually act out before intervening. Pornography problems can be
overcome.
PROFESSIONAL RESOURCES
Consult with professionals. Carefully seek
a licensed professional who has the same religious values and basic
spiritual beliefs when the decision has been made that professional
consultation or counseling is desirable. To locate this type of therapist
ask those being considered how they
feel about pornography, the importance of fidelity
in marriage, masturbation and sexual addiction.
There are many types of professionals,
including: psychiatrists, professional counselors, psychologists, social
workers, psychiatric nurses and pastoral counselors. Most states regulate
the practice of therapy. Everyone who provides a mental health service
should be licensed. The table entitled
Professional Resources is a
guide to locate a helping professional.
Refer to a professional .
Refer to the best available therapist when the user needs or seeks assistance
beyond what the caregiver is qualified to give. Spiritually based "12-Step
Support Groups" may also be helpful.
Maintain contact with the user and the family even when professional
services are used. When the user’s problem is made worse by a mental
illness or some other serious condition, referring to carefully selected
professionals is recommended.
III DECREASING INVOLVEMENT
Users are not always motivated to change and may
require more time or unwanted consequences to develop motivation. Those
helping may need to decrease their involvement because of the user’s lack
of effort. Clearly summarize the user’s lack of progress with the user and
with his/her family. Inform the user, the family and the clergy that the
caregiver’s involvement will decrease.
IV. ENCOURAGE INCREASED INVOLVEMENT WITH SUPPORT RESOURCES
Direct the user and the family to rely on members of their family and
community support groups and other outside resources such as
professionals. Encourage the user and the family to make contact with the
caregiver as motivation to work on the recovery plan increases. After your
involvement has decreased, continue periodic contact offering to help when
the user demonstrates readiness to change.
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