Suggestions to Church Leaders Regarding Divorced, Widowed
and Remarried Members
Jan and Brent Scharman

1.) Accept them like you would anyone else. Assume the best, unless informed otherwise. Visit them in their homes, if possible. Do this with counselors, and be positive.

2.) Invite them in for personal interviews. Invite them to share what they would like to share. Ask if they have a temple recommend.

3.) Determine individual needs and circumstances, i.e., how recently have they been divorced or widowed, how recently have they remarried, are these remarriages for both individuals, etc.?

4.) Ask about special circumstances, i.e., children who will be visiting periodically, interest in attending a single's ward, etc.

5.) Extend church callings. Be sensitive to individual circumstances, but have the same expectations you would for anyone else.

6.) For those in remarriages, get to know their circumstances, i.e., whose kids are whose, will they all be living together regularly, how long have they been together, do they have "ours" children, etc.

7.) Familiarize yourself with some basic aspects of stepfamily life:

8.) Avoid the tendency to compare stepfamilies with "traditional" families. The dynamics are very different, even though they may look the same. The most common complaint of stepfamilies in counseling is that the counselor just treated them like any other family.

9.) Without being naive, be positive and emphasize the many benefits that can be present in stepfamilies. Compliment them for their efforts.

10.) For single individuals, or remarried couples, don't buy the 'There's no hope. I'll (we'll) never make it. Life is not fair" scenario. It's too bad they've gone through what they have, but they can actively shape their futures in a pro-active manner.